Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Do you like white diamonds?



I haven't quite found a routine yet for keeping up with this thing. There's just been too much excitement in my life lately? Either that or too much chaos. I would vote for the chaos. Some days I really wonder if I can keep my sanity past these child rearing days. I LOVE my kids...but some days are those kind of days. I cannot count the number of times I played "Mom" as a child. I was a fantastic mom. My kids loved me ALL the time. They were happy ALL the time. We played together ALL the time, except for the times I had to go to the "grocery store." They took naps and woke up happy. I never lost my temper. I never got upset. I never wondered when they would out grow certain stages. I never had bad days. Why did no one tell me it wouldn't be that easy?! Real kids are a lot different than my dolls. Hard to believe...I know. It's sad when I realize I'm not the mom I thought I was going to be. Being a mom is really hard sometimes...no, a lot of the time. My kids are not happy ALL the time. I get busy and have things to do and don't get to play with the kids ALL the time. They don't wake up happy ALL the time. I lose my temper more often than I wish. I get upset more often than I would like. I often times hope these are just stages that they will grow out of. Tonight, however, was one of those moments that I felt the joy and sweetness that I wish would last forever. I wrapped Christmas presents this afternoon. Once it was wrapped I would put it outside the bedroom door and Grant would write the name on it then he or Kenzie would put it under the tree. When we were all done he asked where my presents were. I did buy a few things for me but didn't wrap them. At dinner this evening Grant told Talmage that he needed to take them (he and Kenzie) shopping for me. Talmage (jokingly) said I spent all of his money so he couldn't. Grant quickly spoke up saying he had money in his piggy bank. Kenzie then chimed in that she had money in her piggy bank too. All moms feel the same way, I'm sure. We don't need or want anything. But the fact that they thought of spending their own little pennies on me made me feel so special. The past couple weeks we've been watching a few of the Christmas specials on TV on our bed. During one of the commerical breaks of A Charlie Brown Christmas I went to lay Tyler down in his bed. When I came back Grant looked at me and asked, "Mom, do you like white diamonds? Is that what you want for Christmas?" What a sweet and thoughtful boy. He was especially helpful tonight before the show started. He helped Kenzie brush her teeth and get the step stool up to the toilet for her. He got her blanket and pillow even when she was being a little difficult.

These are the things I couldn't have pretended better. These are the moments I didn't plan for and no one could have prepared me for. These are the sweet little memories that forgive the frustrations. Being a mom is very HARD sometimes but just as every mom can say, it's ALL worth it.